Sexuellt frustrerad i förhållande. Vad ska man göra?

"Keep things exciting. Relationships often fail when one partner stops trying or takes the other for granted. While people do act differently within a relationship, remember one thing:
She’s in a relationship with you because she liked certain things about you. Don’t
stop being the person that she originally felt so passionately about. For example, if you’re in a Tra-ditional Relationship, don’t stop taking her on dates. In any relationship, make sure to consciously maintain your Attraction and Qualification with her. Excitement and variety are just as important in Low Commitment relationships like Friends with Benefits. If your relationship is based on sex, make the sex different and exciting. Don’t fall into boring or predictable
patterns in terms of when you see her or what you do together.

The concepts of punishment and reward can rub some people the wrong way, probably due to conno-tations of animal training or child rearing. But that’s just because of our associations with the words, not with the underlying principles. If your best male friend breaks your television and doesn’t seem apologetic about it, you might punish him by acting distant and/or telling him that it’s unacceptable for him to not get it fixed. On the other hand, if he’s been a great friend for a while and has been there for you, you’d be willing to reward him by doing him a favor if he asks, or just saying “I got this one” and paying for dinner sometime. We do this subconsciously in all of our relationships, and we expect it to be done to us. If you are supposed to meet your friend one night and don’t show up or call, you expect some punishment. If he acts like nothing happened, it might even make you a bit uncomfortable. That’s how women feel when they know that they’ve been getting away with bad behavior. Most wom-en don’t like this and prefer to be with a man who stands up for himself. So, if she’s out of line, tell her. When you disagree with her, say so. Don’t go overboard, because that conveys insecurity and make you too reactive to her. Punish because you don’t like her behavior, not because you are deeply af-fected by it. Say your piece, and then move on. There’s also a flip side to this coin. You may do some-thing stupid, selfish, or insensitive at some point. She may react to this. If you’ve done something wrong, be a man and admit it. Here’s how to apologize for something: own up to what you did. Look her in the eye and say you’re sorry (or “I was a jerk” or “I was an idiot” or whatever). Don’t spend time explaining why you did it, or what your intentions were, or why what you did wasn’t really all that bad. And unless what you did was really disastrous, don’t let her drag out the conversation either. Say “Look, I’m sorry. I apologize. I was being an idiot. It won’t happen again. What more can I do to make you feel better about it now?” Often we talk too much about the punishment side and not enough about the reward side. You should enjoy making her happy. If you don’t, why are you in a relationship with her? Relationships are the opportunity to unleash, without being clingy, some of the little things you’ve probably been told (depending on who you’ve been listening to) either to always do or to never do. You know, those conventional things like sending her flowers, leaving her notes or voicemails to tell her she’s appreciated, and so on. Do this in a non-smothering way. The value of these kinds of things come by being a special surprise and not routine. How often you roll out this heavy ammunition de-pends a lot on the characteristics of your relationship. Even in an intense Traditional Relationship, once every 2-3 weeks should usually be the maximum. An especially powerful way of making her feel good is to tell one of her friends how amazing she is. You know her friend will likely tell her. Don’t say anything to your girlfriend about this; just know that it will likely happen. This responds to one of the innate emotional needs of a woman in a relationship. Who she is dating relates to her social value as a woman. Having a great boyfriend, that her friends agree is a great boyfriend, gives her the same social power and satisfaction that having a great career, that your friends agree is a great career, does for most men. I should warn you that these sorts of rewards are often associated with Traditional Relationships and should make her feel very connected to you if done correctly. If what you want isn’t a Traditional Relationship, make sure she is conscious of this. But still keep giving her these rewards when she earns them." (Magic Bullets by Nick Savoy, Love Systems)