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So for as long as I can remember, I've been turned on by molestation and rape in movies, books, etc, and will actively seek this kind of stuff out to masturbate to. Even now, I look up survivor stories of molestation and rape and masturbate to it. It's sickening and disgusting and I'm so ashamed of myself but sometimes I can't help it, stuff like that turns me on like nothing else. I don't actually want anyone to be hurt or any of this stuff to happen to anyone in real life, a lot of the times I'm actually imagining myself being molested. I fantasize about being younger and having an older male figure molesting me to orgasm and "force me" to do things, but it actually being shamefully pleasurable. I've even looked up craigslist ads of men who want to act out these fantasies although I know I would never have the guts to meet someone on craigslist, I sometimes fantasize about acting this stuff out in real life. I have never been touched inappropriately or experienced sexual abuse of any kind to my knowledge, and while my parents did fight a lot and divorce/separate when I was young, I can't think of anything that might cause this sick fascination I have. I have a boyfriend and a healthy relationship (i'm a senior in college) and we have a healthy sex life too, just when we're not together or when I have alone time, this is what I turn to to masturbate. What is wrong with me? Should I try and stop? Or better yet, how do I stop?

Maybe, like me, you like the thought and feeling of being helpless. Even if you would not like to be helpless in real life, the thought of acting it out in a safe situation is fun for you, and it mixed with sex to make it arousing. Do you like the thought of being helpless, like lying there and having someone pick you up and take you somewhere, while you know what is happening but are unable to move? That is the kind of thing I like.

this is exactly how i was now its got much much worse i want to end my life over this fantasy i get turned on and masturbate thinking about covering a young girl down there in lube me fingering her then watching my boyfriend gently and slowly have sex with her id never do it but it makes me sick having these thoughts i dont no how to make them stop if anyone has any advice please help me im female

I would love to offer my insight because I know the mental struggles that often come along with it. Ladies, just go with it. If you're a paraphilic like myself, they do not go away. There is no cure, and the treatment's goal is frigidity. (Wow! fun!)
This fantasy is WAY more normal than you think. No matter how sick, how disgusting your fantasy seems to you, trust me, it's fine and LOTS of people have them. And to the ladies, I highly doubt you're a danger to society so take a lot of comfort in that. (although you may be to yourself if it gets out of control and you put yourself in dangerous situations) You will feel much better if you just find a way to accept yourself. You'll never get turned on by vanilla sex, deal with it...as harsh as that seems. And if you CAN have fantasies of making love on a beach with your boyfriend, you're not a paraphiliac. You're normal and there is nothing wrong. (And I apologize, I do not think that there is anything wrong with safe paraphilias.

10:45PM: We’re in a cab aggressively making out. He’s biting my neck and I feel jolts of excitement run between my legs. I whisper harder and he obliges. I savor the pain.

11PM: We’re back at his. I’m grateful that I’ve managed to find a 23 year old that lives alone. His place is ok for a guy’s, but nothing to write home about. He throws me up against the wall as soon as we get through the door. I tell him to be be rough with me, to throw me around and he’s a little too happy to oblige. He picks me up and throws me on the bed but before he continues, I tell him to stop.

This is the hard part for me. I hate bringing it up, but I hate unsatisfying sex even more.

I tell him frankly that I want to be treated like shit. That I want to tell him no, to beg him, to plead for him to stop and that I want him to carry on anyway. I never know how people will react when I tell them about my rape fantasies, even saying the word rape seems to make most guys run for the hills. Tinder guy is quiet as he takes it all in. I tell him if he doesn’t feel comfortable, I can just leave.

After an excruciating silence that can’t have been longer than 30 seconds but feels like an eternity, he said he thinks he can do it. We agree a safe word and I promise him I know what I’m getting into.

12AM: Over the course of half an hour, we’ve escalated from light choking while he fucks me from behind, to full on non-consent play. I beg him to stop while he carries on fucking me harder and harder. I dig my nails into his back with tears in my eyes and whisper that I want to go home.

I can tell he’s getting really weirded out and wants to stop. He cums in my hair after I told him not to. Afterwards, we lie next to each other and make weird small talk. I can tell he thinks I’m fucked up but is just being polite. I don’t care. I had a great time.

9PM: I masturbate to the thought of being pushed up against a wall in an alleyway and being groped. I think there’s something wrong with me.

11PM: He’s back at my house and going down on me. He’s been down there for about 20 minutes and I’m feeling nothing. I didn’t tell him what I really want so he’s giving me standard issue white boy sex. Fingering, eating out, missionary, doggy, come too quickly, go to sleep. great.

3AM: I lie awake looking at him and feeling disgusted. I hate telling people what I really want, but I hate sex when it’s not rough. I step outside my front door and light a cigarette.