Skvaller om A$AP Rocky

The nation waits with bated breath for news of one of its favorite and most delicate sons, the ‘rap artist’ A$AP Rocky. Mr Rocky is held hostage by the military of the barbaric regime of an anti-Western failed state called Sweden. The Scandinavian rogue nation is widely suspected of having colluded with the military of another barbaric regime of another anti-Western failed state, Iran, which last week kidnapped an entire oil tanker under similar circumstances.

Mr Rocky claims to have been minding his own business with two of his minders when they felt it necessary to kick an Afghan asylum seeker in the body and head while taking an early evening stroll in the rubble of Sweden’s Mogadishu-like capital, Stockholm.

Give A$AP Rocky his FREEDOM,’ the president tweeted, literally capitalizing on the situation to draw attention to Scandinavia’s human rights’ problem. ‘We do so much for Sweden but it doesn’t seem to work the other way around. Sweden should focus on its real crime problem. #FreeRocky!’

Mikael Lindström, press secretary to Sweden’s ‘democratically elected’ dictator Stefan Löfven, replied with the provocative arrogance of a regime determined to upend the international order: ‘In Sweden, everyone is equal before the law. The Government is not allowed, and will not attempt, to influence the legal proceedings which are now ongoing’.

The Pentagon estimates that it’ll take 48 hours to bomb Sweden back into the Stone Age, apart from in the vast majority of Swedish territory, which never left the Stone Age, because it’s still covered in fir trees. Of course, the usual America-haters and apologists of appeasement have come out. Benny from ABBA has chained himself to the gates of an IKEA store, and Ace of Bass have threatened to reform in protest. Rap-listening, blunt-smoking Kamala Harris has described Trump’s denunciation of Swedish prime minister Stefan Löfven as ‘a misuse of power’. In western Sweden, the sound of laughter has been heard from across the border with the Hermit Kingdom of Norway.