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1) Naive Edith is Naive.

Her father found the Sharpes suspicious and adamantly told Edith, but then suddenly he's murdered and she's swept off her feet to Allerdale Hall. Really?? No investigation. She's not suspicious at all?? She knows her father humiliated Thomas and his business proposal and she's not even slightly suspicious? Ughh.. Oh yes, he slipped. That explains it, no questions needed.

Then there's the butler/peon-worker who says upon his first introduction to Edith that he has already met Thomas's wife. Which would raise red flags in anyone's mind but never mind Edith is just like "Haha! Okay! Lets see the house!"

Unfortunately the story depends on Edith being extremely naive for it to unfold.


2) The Giant Gaping Hole in the Roof.

Really? I know Del Torro was working hard to display Allerdale Hall as a decrepit crumbling ruin, but this was overkill. And then there's the leaves that are perpetually falling through the roof, despite the fact there are maybe two tiny trees on the property. But yes, the leaves looked very melodramatic twirling daintily through the foyer, touchee Del Toro.

3) The Sex Scene

The build up here was so erotic. First Hiddleston is getting all naked. Then kissing Edith up and down. Then Edith gets on top of him WITH HER DRESS ON and rides him merrily like she's on one of those 25 cent electric pony rides at Wal-Mart. Womp, womp.

4) The "Secret"

It's obvious there is something more to Lucille and Thomas's relationship, and we didn't need ghosts to tell us. But yet the way the secret is delivered to the audience is meant to be shocking. REALLY?? You mean they're sleeping together??? You don't say.


5) The Final Fight

Like the sex scene the build up here is incredible. There is so much tension and animosity between Edith and Lucille it's actually palpable. Then Lucille gets a bonk on the head and its all over. That it??? You mean for all her treachery she couldn't have gotten a more dramatic death?? It seemed obvious she was going to get sent into the grinding gears of the Clay Digger Upper contraption behind her (and if you've seen the film that needed to happen) but nope a simple whack on the head was enough. Lucille's death was the definition of anticlimax.