Här är manuset till Khabib Conor iaf. Kom med förslag till förbättringar om ni ser något:
[Conor steps out of his green Lamborghini with a bunch of bling and beautiful girls behind him. Loud music. Cocky smile. He’s standing super-erect, like a giant dick.]
Speech bubble:
My name is Conor McGregor. I am an eager fighter when promised an early stoppage and 100 million dollars even if I lose. Which happens a lot, because I think cardio training is a conspiracy theory.
[Next image is him on the scale, weighing in at 155 pounds exactly. He’s giving us a double front bicep pose with the crazy eyes.]
Speech bubble:
My wrestling sucks, so I pretend I work on my takedown defense when I move around with my movement coach. Climbing trees, jumping on top of rocks, PRANCERcising -- nothing is out of line when we play around in the forest.
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[Khabib is riding to the weigh-in on a giant bear. The bear has a sign that reads “Sparring Partner”. The bear just grabbed a dude and is about to take a bite. Khabib’s dad stands right there with a giant weapon aimed at the bear, a BEAR TAZER, but Khabib tells him to back off. "Relax, he’s an American.”]
Speech bubble:
My name is Khabib Nurmagomedov. Nobody can pronounce my last name. I grew up inside a tree. I don’t know what it’s like to get tired, it just never happened. I have trained and competed in wrestling and combat sambo tournaments since I was 4. I am now 29. My professional Mixed Martial Arts record is 25-0. I still haven’t lost.
[Next image is him on the scale, weighing in at 155 pounds. He’s giving us a double front bicep pose, neutral face and Russia-hat on]
Speech bubble:
When Conor McGregor was playing grab-ass with his hot sister in a wheatfield, I was wrestling a bear. It was a brown bear, but grizzlies have better mount escapes in my experience. It didn’t tap, so we ate that bear for dinner. It tasted like blueberries and vodka.
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[They weighed in on weight. They now stand in front of each other, facing off. Cameras are flashing.]
– I’m standing in front if you, and I STILL don’t know who you are! (Conor)
– Edson Barboza can’t look his wife in the eyes anymore. (Khabib)
– Excuse me? (Conor)
– I have trained my entire life to deliver career-ending smashings to guys like you and Barboza. He used to be a 9. Now he’s a 7. (Khabib)
– I’m not afraid of you. (Conor)
– If I fight him again he will be a 5. And he STILL can’t look his wife in the eyes. (Khabib)
[Pause. They look at each other. Someone throws an empty water bottle that whistles past them. Here we get two close-ups of their face. Conor is looking cocky but a little insecure. Khabib is looking calm and ready.]
– I can look you in the eyes. And last night you were my wife. You kept screaming my name and I kept saying ‘my name is CONOR, not CHRISTIAN!
[Khabib loses his cool and pushes Conor. People rush in and break them up. Khabib starts drooling and screaming a bunch of unintelligible gibberish.]
– Is that Russian for ‘please call me tomorrow’?
[The last image shows Khabib’s dad screaming and punching the concrete wall with his right hand. It explodes upon impact. Blood everywhere. He is mad as hell.]
– Wrestling is NOT gay! (Khabib’s dad)
