Tänkte skriva lite om när jag fick en satori av 4-aco-dmt. Skrev detta tyvärr på engelska vilket verkligen inte är mitt modersmål, men hoppas det ändå går att förstå.
I'm writing this mainly for myself, but thought I might post it here if anyone finds it interesting.
Of course language won't be able to explain the experience since a satori experience is everything but a concept, but I'd want to accept the challenge to come as close as possible.
I've been taking 4-aco-dmt (don't remember the dose) earlier that day. Sadly it's illegal in our country now, but it wasn't back then. Had an intersting trip but with a scary ending when everything felt a bit too much. Was afraid to lose myself in the world of fractal and abstract thinking. Managed to get through it by letting my head do whatever it wanted while I was focusing on my breath.
Some hours had gone and I became sober. The clock was about 11pm and I was sitting in my sofa, mentally tired, and just looking at my window when it happened. I don't remember thinking about anything at all, which I guess is the reason the satori experience was possible.
During the time of the blink of an eye time suddenly stopped. Everything felt like a vacuum in which I could move. Although this sounds like something that would scare you, the only feeling I got was a very satisfying "Oh of course...". I suddenly felt that I understood everything, which was that there is nothing to understand. Understanding is just a mechanism in the human brain, outside of it there is no understanding. No need for an understanding.
I understood that the meaning of life is not a concept and therefore cannot be understood by thinking about it, but rather by feeling it with your senses.
I understood that time is not what I've always thought of, something that moves from the past, through the present and on to the future (stealing some Alan Watts quotes here) but rather a vast, constant now. The past is just an illusion we're capable of creating with our brain's function - memories. Same with future, we're able to create that illusion by using our memories on what has happened and then figure out patterns which tell us of how things could move in the future. Note that I say "move", 'cause that's what everything is, atoms moving. Nothing "appear" in the future, if that was the case energy/matter could be created or destroyed, but we know that's not the case. In other words, the universe was created with a fixed number of atoms/energy and these moves in this constant space of the present moment.
My ego was completely separated from me although I could feel it but had total control over being identified with it or not. I just was. I was a set of atoms which had developed a certain number of senses through which the universe experienced itself.
Whenever I tried to go up in my mind to grasp the experience and try to understand it, it slowly disappeared. When I went back to my senses and a state of just being, it came back.
I got this ultimately stress released feeling of "of course" several times, and thought about how stupid I've been my whole life thinking life was something else, that life was serious. I understood that thinking I have problems, or that the world has problems is just a preprogrammed feeling humans have, which is why we've come so far in our development, but it's still just something that exists in our heads. In reality, every atom is exactly where it should be, nothing could be wrong. This is a bit controversial but even war, famine and other types of suffering are exactly as it should be. Sadly for us.
I decided to take a walk in the night. I went to the sea and was so amazed to look at a tree and for the first time feel "proud" when looking at something from nature. I felt pride because I was no longer identified with my ego but with everything, the whole universe how hippie that might sound. I knew it was me but only another set of atoms.
I went back home and went to sleep. The next morning it was still a little bit of the experience left. I didn't enjoy putting music on while on the bus since I felt that made me think and therefore pull me away from the present moment. Even when I went out jogging I prefered just hearing my breath and focus on the sensation in my body getting tired. I had this lingering feeling for about a week although it only felt like 10% of the actual experience.
This was a couple of months ago so now it's completely gone and I'm for sure identified with my ego again. Which, I guess, also is the reason I'm writing this to be honest.
I know you might think that I was still high or something but I had gone completely sober, but even if I would have been in the peak of the drug this would still be true. Trust me, I've had many crazy trips on both LSD, mushrooms, research chemicals, MDMA and so on, but this was not anything like that. This was something more sober than being sober if that makes sense.
Anyway, hope it was an interesting read to someone out there. I'm afraid I won't be able to answer any questions correctly since I'm not in that specific state of mind anymore, but of course I'll try if you have any.
I'm writing this mainly for myself, but thought I might post it here if anyone finds it interesting.
Of course language won't be able to explain the experience since a satori experience is everything but a concept, but I'd want to accept the challenge to come as close as possible.
I've been taking 4-aco-dmt (don't remember the dose) earlier that day. Sadly it's illegal in our country now, but it wasn't back then. Had an intersting trip but with a scary ending when everything felt a bit too much. Was afraid to lose myself in the world of fractal and abstract thinking. Managed to get through it by letting my head do whatever it wanted while I was focusing on my breath.
Some hours had gone and I became sober. The clock was about 11pm and I was sitting in my sofa, mentally tired, and just looking at my window when it happened. I don't remember thinking about anything at all, which I guess is the reason the satori experience was possible.
During the time of the blink of an eye time suddenly stopped. Everything felt like a vacuum in which I could move. Although this sounds like something that would scare you, the only feeling I got was a very satisfying "Oh of course...". I suddenly felt that I understood everything, which was that there is nothing to understand. Understanding is just a mechanism in the human brain, outside of it there is no understanding. No need for an understanding.
I understood that the meaning of life is not a concept and therefore cannot be understood by thinking about it, but rather by feeling it with your senses.
I understood that time is not what I've always thought of, something that moves from the past, through the present and on to the future (stealing some Alan Watts quotes here) but rather a vast, constant now. The past is just an illusion we're capable of creating with our brain's function - memories. Same with future, we're able to create that illusion by using our memories on what has happened and then figure out patterns which tell us of how things could move in the future. Note that I say "move", 'cause that's what everything is, atoms moving. Nothing "appear" in the future, if that was the case energy/matter could be created or destroyed, but we know that's not the case. In other words, the universe was created with a fixed number of atoms/energy and these moves in this constant space of the present moment.
My ego was completely separated from me although I could feel it but had total control over being identified with it or not. I just was. I was a set of atoms which had developed a certain number of senses through which the universe experienced itself.
Whenever I tried to go up in my mind to grasp the experience and try to understand it, it slowly disappeared. When I went back to my senses and a state of just being, it came back.
I got this ultimately stress released feeling of "of course" several times, and thought about how stupid I've been my whole life thinking life was something else, that life was serious. I understood that thinking I have problems, or that the world has problems is just a preprogrammed feeling humans have, which is why we've come so far in our development, but it's still just something that exists in our heads. In reality, every atom is exactly where it should be, nothing could be wrong. This is a bit controversial but even war, famine and other types of suffering are exactly as it should be. Sadly for us.
I decided to take a walk in the night. I went to the sea and was so amazed to look at a tree and for the first time feel "proud" when looking at something from nature. I felt pride because I was no longer identified with my ego but with everything, the whole universe how hippie that might sound. I knew it was me but only another set of atoms.
I went back home and went to sleep. The next morning it was still a little bit of the experience left. I didn't enjoy putting music on while on the bus since I felt that made me think and therefore pull me away from the present moment. Even when I went out jogging I prefered just hearing my breath and focus on the sensation in my body getting tired. I had this lingering feeling for about a week although it only felt like 10% of the actual experience.
This was a couple of months ago so now it's completely gone and I'm for sure identified with my ego again. Which, I guess, also is the reason I'm writing this to be honest.
I know you might think that I was still high or something but I had gone completely sober, but even if I would have been in the peak of the drug this would still be true. Trust me, I've had many crazy trips on both LSD, mushrooms, research chemicals, MDMA and so on, but this was not anything like that. This was something more sober than being sober if that makes sense.
Anyway, hope it was an interesting read to someone out there. I'm afraid I won't be able to answer any questions correctly since I'm not in that specific state of mind anymore, but of course I'll try if you have any.
