Vinnaren i pepparkakshustävlingen!
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2005-04-02, 14:00
  #1
Medlem
Afonsos avatar
Den briljante ståupparen har lämnat in

www.comedycentral.com/standup/central/ detail.jhtml?p=/comedians/h/mitch_hedberg.xml - 59k - 31 mar 2005
Citera
2005-04-02, 14:53
  #2
Medlem
Afonsos avatar
"I saw a wino eating grapes. I said: Dude, you gotta wait!"

"I opened a yogurt and underneath the lid it said "please try again" they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I had opened the yogurt wrong.Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. Come on Mitch, don't give up! An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top."

"This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard."
Citera
2005-04-02, 15:03
  #3
Medlem
Camberwells avatar
En sorgens dag. R.I.P. Mitch.
Citera
2005-04-02, 18:18
  #4
Medlem
dIRe_s avatar


Lite mer quotes:

I hate turtlenecks. I have such a weak neck. Plus if you wear a turtleneck it's like being strangled by a really weak guy ... all day. And if you wear a turtleneck and a backpack it's like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out fliers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flier, it's kinda like they're saying, "Here — you throw this away."

My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got half way. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.

On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the fuck did you get that banana at ...

My lucky number is 4 billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, 4 billion! Fuck. Seven. Not even close. I need more dice."

I wrote a script for a guy, and he said he liked it but he thought that I need to rewrite it. I said, "Fuck that, I'll just make a copy."

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Citera
2005-04-02, 19:09
  #5
Medlem
Hajar i poolen?s avatar
Tråkigt, han var ju helt lysande.
Citera
2005-04-02, 22:21
  #6
Medlem
evolutes avatar
Va!? Fan vad tråkigt. Helt klart en av mina favoriter. Ingen som vet hur han
dog? Drogrelaterat?
Citera
2005-04-02, 22:35
  #7
Medlem
Serrus avatar
Verkar som han fick en hjärtattack. Hatar när man upptäcker någon efter deras död.. letade runt lite och han har ju helt klart många lysande oneliners:
  • I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
  • I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
  • The thing about tennis is: no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're fucking relentless.
  • You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
  • My friend said to me, "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." I was like, "Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause."
Citera
2005-04-03, 00:27
  #8
Medlem
gatos avatar
Har letat efter namnet på denna komiker efter att jag sett honom hos Letterman. Så tråkigt att få veta det på detta sätt.

Hittade lite filer att ladda ner på pirat bay, tvframträdande i comedy central special och några cdskivor. Rekomenderas!
Citera
2005-04-03, 00:55
  #9
Medlem
M2ks avatar
Mitch Hedberg Quotes
- http://hometown.aol.com/valleygirl1983/mitch.html

Hans föräldrar heter Arne and Mary Hedberg, bor i St. Paul, en av de två s k Twin Cities i Minnesota (Minneapolis den andra), klassisk svenskbygd sedan invandrartiden.

Arne, knappast vanligt namn i staterna, frågan uppkommer, nå'n som vet om det finns anor till Svedala?



`great guys goes first´
Citera
2005-04-03, 01:02
  #10
Medlem
Citat:
Ursprungligen postat av dIRe_


Lite mer quotes:

I hate turtlenecks. I have such a weak neck. Plus if you wear a turtleneck it's like being strangled by a really weak guy ... all day. And if you wear a turtleneck and a backpack it's like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out fliers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flier, it's kinda like they're saying, "Here — you throw this away."

My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got half way. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.

On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the fuck did you get that banana at ...

My lucky number is 4 billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, 4 billion! Fuck. Seven. Not even close. I need more dice."

I wrote a script for a guy, and he said he liked it but he thought that I need to rewrite it. I said, "Fuck that, I'll just make a copy."

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Det är ju synd att man ska upptäcka ett geni på detta sätt
Citera
2005-04-03, 11:54
  #11
Avstängd
spoozs avatar
Trist. Bara 37 bast
Hittade den här sidan hos Amazon. På mitten kan man lyssna på några av hans skämt
Citera
2005-04-03, 23:07
  #12
Medlem
Afonsos avatar
"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music" As though there's another way you can take it in. Your not special. That's how I recieve it too. I tried to taste it, but it did not work."


"I went to the park and saw a kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed."


"I get the Reese's candy bar, If you read it, there's an apostrophe. The candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time your eating a Reese's and some guy named Reese comes up to you and says let me have that. You better give it to him. I'm sorry Reece, I didn't think I would ever run into you."


"Y'know I order a club sandwhich all the time. And I'm not even a member. I don't know how I get away with it. I like my sandwiches witth three pieces of bread. So do I. Lets form a club. Okay, but we're gonna need more stipulation. Yes we do. Instead of cutting it once, lets cut it again. Yeah, four triangles. And we shall dump chips in the middle. Let me ask you something, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks? I'm for them."
Citera
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